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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Not just another bad mom....

I am a bad wife also. was already taken on blogspot and let me TELL you, I AIN'T "that" kinda bad mom..... ehhem.... anyways-
As we get a little closer to Halloween and all of the hot costumes are hitting the shelves, everyone is reminiscing Halloween's passed with their photos all over facebook. You have a Sexy cat, Sexy cop, Sexy Beer Wench, Naked Ballerina, you know, the usual. Here is where I tell you why I am a terrible wife. My husband married me because I can cook. OH, and I can shotgun a beer faster than anyone I have ever met - I am (proudly) the reigning neighborhood champion. He also married a smart ass, foul mouthed, bad mom. Which means I don't wear a sexy anything. my 2 most recent costumes were a fat lady with a dog stuck up her butt and a 200 lb. red hat lady. Complete with wrinkled fake skin and red lips drawn up to my nostrils. I even had red orthopedic shoes. I have my reasons though. people. I look at it like this, ANY day of the year, I can run around with my boobs pushed up to my neck in a short skirt and go to the club, pretending to be 25 again. Or in the summer, I can run around in my bikini that is merely a bra and panties that matches. When will I EVER get to rock a moomoo with a stuffed dog up my crack? HALLOWEEN, my friends! THAT'S WHEN!
So this year, while everyone's wife is running around looking like a Victoria's Secret model at a playboy  photo shoot, my husband will once again stand out from the crowd. I will be rocking black stretch shorts with a  fat suit, and a BIG ASS RED T-SHIRT that says "biggest loser" - That's right folks, I am going as a contestant- at the beginning of the season. Suck on that.

1 comment:

  1. I love you so much!!!!! I was Bald Headed Brittany Spears and Ms. Swan from Mad TV. I agree completely!!!! And you really CAN shotgun a beer faster than anyone I know (and with a lack of a gag reflex could be another reason he married you LOL)