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Sunday, June 24, 2012

When other people's issues become YOUR problem

Ahhhhhh...good ol' summertime. when the kids want to spend the night with a friend EVERY- SINGLE- NIGHT for the next 3 months....and if/when you say no, it's an all out poutfest that I, for one, DON'T want to deal with.
Here's the problem I have with kids spending the night anymore.
When I was a kid, you ran home, asked your mom, grabbed your pillow, sleeping bag, and pajamas and left. You stayed up all night on the party line or watching scary movies or.... whatever.

NOWADAYS, you need a fucking MANUAL to let other peoples kids spend the night. I'm waiting for the day when someone's parent's bring over a moving truck with their overnight bag. Here's the thing. I don't care if you're kid is on a completely organic greens vegan, low tofu, non-dairy diet. THAT'S NOT my problem. don't bring 8 pairs of underwear and a plastic king size bed cover because the kid is claustrophobic and has bladder control issues. Don't you DARE bring a container of wipies for your 8 year old to wipe their ass and explain that I need to watch and be sure that they use them because they have a sensitive TOOSHIE...
WTF is WRONG with YOU????
 MAybe they have a sensitive TOOSHIE because you've been wiping their ass with a wet wipe looooooong after you should be???? Is it possible that they are not using them when you're not looking because it makes them feel like they have swamp ass when their done doing the "potty"? Who wants wet ass cheeks AFTER handling their business???? .....
DRY and CLEAN is how one wants to leave the toilet. period.

You wanna know what kids want to do when they spend the night out? Eat crappy food, and stay up all night! Kids HATE Tofu!!!!CMON let the kid have a fucking DORITO!???
You wanna know WHY I said yes to your kid spending the night? So that my own kid could be crammed up someone else's ass for almost 24 hours and I can FINALLY clean the bathrooms! So I could have a reason to throw chicken nuggets and french fries on a plate and call it dinner!
I spend 40+ hours per week working, cooking, babysitting, etc.... I am NOT doing all weekend too. So please read my warning- I do not cater to any special diets, I'm not sleeping on the couch so your kid can sleep in my bed covered in plastic wrap, I am NOT going anywhere near your grown kids ass with a wet wipe and I refuse to put Tofu on my BBQ....


  1. I think I love you. Great post.

    The Anti-Enabler

  2. AWWWW!!! THANKS!!! Living in California- Shit like this happens ALLLLLLLLLLLL too frequently!!!! I am pretty sure I this might be the reason I have YET to be invited to join the PTA.... I'm not holding my breath... :0)