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Thursday, June 7, 2012

SWEEEEEET Summertime....

HOL-LYYY SHIT- It's almost here- and for some of you, it already is. SUMMER BREAK. The first 3 weeks are amazing- downright BLISSFUL. I'm not even going to address the remaining 2 months. I just want to take a minute to soak in the happiness of the first few weeks....
For the working momma--- this is the time of the year where you get to know what it's like to go to work level headed. You're not spending your morning trying to get close to presentable for work.... not sure if you put blush or eyeshadow on your cheeks and scraping the remnants of mac N' cheese off of your work pants because you didn't do laundry....not running around after the crumb snatchers with your head up their ass making sure that they heard the goddamned alarm---although YOU were able to hear it 14 FUCKING TIMES. No more- "I forgot my back pack", or "please sign my field trip form", no more open house, blah blah blah. Just get yourself ready and walk out the door... Starbucks, HERE I COME,  BITCHES! GOLD CARD STATUS!
For the stay at home momma-----this is the time of the year where you get to know what it's like to spend your morning level headed. There's no need to worry about wearing your morning coffee on your favorite Yoga pants because a crumb snatcher threw their homework folder at you and asked you if you could put it into their back pack. You're not running around with your head up their ass making sure that they heard the goddamned alarm---although YOU were able to hear it 14 FUCKING TIMES. No more driving BACK up to the school to drop off the science project, or the field trip form that you just got last night after a temper tantrum. Its somewhat freeing to just ENJOY. Enjoy sneaking up to Target while they're still sleeping. To throw leftovers in the microwave and NOT have to put a 5 course meal into a brown paper sack. To not go to bed with a headache because you've been YELLING ABOUT BEDTIME FOR 30 PISSED OFF MINUTES. letting them stay up a little later because you KNOW they'll sleep in -----(which means you do too, bitch <3).

So I lied. I'm gonna talk about July. When the bliss begins to wear off. You know--- when they fight with each other until they put on the gloves and bite each others ear off? They fight with their friend who has spent the past 2 weeks at YOUR house. Does that kid actually HAVE a mom? They even start to fight with themSELVES. You ponder the idea of a nanny? maybe work a few extra hours to pay her? Maybe you're calling grandma to see if she misses them. Maybe you're considering boot camp.  Just GET THEM THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE.   Well, we all know it ends the same...we regret giving birth, they hate their life and their parents until we attend back to school night for the 18th FUCKING time.... we see the faces of the green, newbie teachers who "Wanna make a difference"....aren't they CUTE? .... Bless their hearts..... By the end of the year, they're wearing their coffee on their work pants and scraping boogers off of their math tests and they've decided that it's not a good time to think about having kids.... Well, if that's the case, I've done my good deed---by giving them a second chance at life. I'll just wait for my Starbucks gift card for my public service.



  1. ....oh you have no idea how much this post spoke to me. Sung to me really.

    Pure poetry.

    On the other hand, my kids still have one week left of school and a potential Chicago teacher's strike looming.

    Too early to drink?

  2. NEVER too early to drink!!!! :0)

  3. LOL.. Love it and so true. Summer hasn't even started for us yet! We have Monday to go; and I did I mention its a half day?? Really a half day on a Monday? Another Good One. Cant wait for the next blog..