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Saturday, October 6, 2012

Halloween CANCELLED....

Let me start by giving you a little bit of background on the female spawn. She is OBSESSED with holidays and even more obsessed with her own birthday. So obsessed that the day AFTER her party every year she's already talking about next year.
This year, we are doing a Halloween themed birthday party---Seeing as how the trusty old "Halloween costume" is the biggest waste of money on the entire fuck-ing planet, I don't see anything wrong with trying to squeeze one more appearance out of the damn thing.

Yesterday on our way to school, before I put on my suit of armour and made my way towards the dreaded "Horseshoe", the female spawn pipes up and says:

"We aren't having a Halloween Party in my class"..

"Oh, are you having a Harvest Party instead?" (By the way--- harvest party? STUPID... but whatever)

"Nope. We aren't having any party at all. "Johnny" isn't allowed to celebrate Halloween and his mom says we can't have a party because it would make him feel bad".

ARE YOU SHITTING MEEEEE????? I have SOOOOOOOO MANY issues with this.
Here's the thing. We've slowly but surely ripped Halloween out of school and fluffed it up into what we now call "Harvest". Where they can only wear Scarecrow or Pilgrim constumes--Which, to me, screams "Hey bitches!! we don't care how much money you spent on the other costume, we have fabricated some reason for you to have to go spend some more of your hard earned money to buy another outfit that the kids are only going to wear once and you're going to have to find a place to put it or find some unsuspecting friend and throw it into a bag of "hand me downs" once "Harvest" is over..
My 2nd issue is that I want to slap the fuck out of Johnny's mom. YUP. Sure do. THIS "helicopter mom" Thinks she just did something righteous for her kid. She stood up to the EEEEVIL Halloween!! OOOOOOOOO!! Way to go!! You just single handedly alienated your kid from the ENTIRE class.
See here's the thing--- you dumb bitch--- you didn't stand up to some evil holiday, you didn't remove the idle threat of exposing your precious Johnny to some evil Pagan celebration. You haven't protected young Johnny from a lifetime of devil worshiping and animal sacrifices.
You took a completely innocent tradition where kids get to eat candy and play dress up and use their IMAGINATIONS, a celebration that creates comradery while they walk together and sift through their candy bags together. They put down the video game controllers and Ipods and JUST BE KIDS.
BRAVO!!! where did you get your motherly instincts, a cracker jack box???
If you want to rip your kids' childhood away because you're a dumb bitch- you go ahead. but keep it at home. By the way, how "Protective" was it to have your kid in a classroom of other kids who KNOW that they don't get to celebrate because of HIM? Because YOU have some vendetta with Halloween!!!! These people are THE WORST. Not only do they just SUCK, but to top it off they want to push their suckiness onto the whole rest of the world and pretend that they're NOT sucky ---and go about like nothing is wrong with any of this.

I often feel bad for my kids because they have such a terrible mother. But I think I might have found a kid that I feel worse for. Poor Johnny.

1 comment:

  1. Oh you have no idea how much I love this post. Poor Johnny indeed. Do you think his mother will intercede the first time he gets turned down by a girl too? Ridiculous.