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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Tis the season...... for elementary school performances! YIPPEEE...=/~ NOT

We alllllll get em in the homework folder! The "REMINDER" for the Christmas performance. Well the female spawn's school went above and beyond the reminder.... They reminded us 800 BLEEPING TIMES! By #742, they were already judging the parents that hadn't purchased their tickets to the event for $3.  The reminder message on my voicemail went something like this:
"Hello (Blank School) parents! This is your reminder that you haven't purchased your tickets to see your offspring perform the song and dance with their class this Wednesday! I hope you know you're scarring your child for life and we have your phone #. IF tickets are not purchased within the next 3 minutes, we will be calling CPS and posting your photo in the school contact book under HORRIBLE parents! Thank you and make it a great day!"
Now remember that at this point, they've already sent home a 17 fliers, 3 newsletters and 84 post-it's in the kids' backpacks.
And NO, we still didn't have our tickets.
And the female spawn was NOT dressed in Red and White ---*GASP*
So last night we get there 10 minutes before the performance and the line is DOWN THE STREET. Are you KIDDING me? really? People got there an HOUR before??? WTF?? Is yours and ONLY child? I see no other excuse for you, other than mental illness.
Sorry, that was very judgmental of me. I take that back.
Mind you, there is not one parking spot for miles. So, we drive over in hopes that someone else left early---maybe by the horseshoe. We see one tiny little spot right in front of where the line is. You know the spot, the one where everyone mad dogs you, thinking that you're ACTUALLY going to run them over, The one where everyone stares at you thinking "REALLLLLLYYYYY... you HAAAD to have this spot that is 14 feet away from touching my Burberry purse??? SO lazy"
Fortunately I don't give a shit fatty. I pick and choose my exercise and I don't eat all of my kids' chicken McNuggets either. So I just scored front row parking because I don't give a shit WHAT you think of me. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. PURE evil, I know.
So we are in line, toward the end, because we didn't camp out over night,  and one of the PTA Princesses is running up and down the line saying "THIS is the line for people who HAVE TICKETS, I REPEAT, HAVE ALREADY PURCHASED TICKETS". Me and the hubby look at each other like "OH shit...just got put out on front street..." So he pipes up and says "where do we go if we don't have tickets"
I think time stopped.
the WHOLE line pretty much stopped and stared at us. I think a couple of them took a photo of the worst parents at the school. She says "Over there." pointing towards the dungeon.
okie dokie.
We head over to the "standing room only line" (where baaaaad people go to be stoned)
We wait for the line around the school to get into the multi purpose room. It was a cold son of a bitch out there too! (that's what we get, right?)  So after we stood there and were shunned by the entire first through 4th grade classes parents and family (I am pretty sure that one of the grandma's would have spanked my ass if she were willing to lose her spot in line) We finally get to enter.
Moral of the story is THIS:
We got in the door for $2 instead of $3, we still got to sit down, in a chair, my daughter still saw the whites of our little eyes when she came out on stage and we had NO SHAME in standing up and waving ridiculously and making asses of ourselves until she was able to see our smiling faces in the crowd, just like everyone else, to see her do her thang. She was the cutest little "dancer #14" that you ever saw --Hit it out of the park. Basically, The one person that mattered was thrilled and everything that happened before she did her little jig was irrelevant. WINNING......!

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