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Saturday, November 8, 2014

Falalala....F*** off.....

WELL Goooooood Morning.


SO- about a month, a local popular coffee shop may have started pushing out propaganda for their newest addition the holiday line up. Said new edition excited the FUCK out of me!!! Like a crackhead with a lighter, I COULD NOT WAIT!!!! Well, lucky me! I have a friend who has a friend, who bought some shit of the Internet from a friend who might have some insider information about said coffee shop corporation who has already tasted this new concoction and, JUST as I suspected ... its AMAZEBALLSSSSSSS.....
Now- if you could have seen me in that moment, you would have thought that I won both showcases in the showcase showdown!  (if you're confused right now, google that shit)  You see, coffee is the only thing I appreciate as much as wine--- let me tell you why.
Coffee isn't just a "drink"... its a symbol. I enjoy my coffee before anyone else in my house senses that my feet have hit the ground (because when I'm up and they smell it, that means their personal assistant is available for service). Coffee = "ME" time. I've always been an early riser but as I get older, Its a little earlier every day to enjoy juuuuuuust a smidgen more of this modern myth we call  "me time". (Eventually, my alarm is going to go off at 2 am and I'm not going to know WHAT the fuck to drink!).You see, it the grown up world, coffee is representative of PEACE to me and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.
The male spawn has hit the age where he dabbles in the cup of coffee from time to time. SOMETIMES, he likes to sneak a couple sips of mine. I'm not a fan.... he actually does it quite often and you would think he killed my puppy by the way I stare him up and down...

Wine is almost the same thing. Its the "wind down". I've spent the whole day in "Go mode" and sometimes, I just don't know when to stop. I've been known to clean a toilet with my purse and keys in hand after work.....SO--- I guess that makes me a fucking opportunist.

SO let me back up just a hair ... my friend of a friend and I were under the impression that said new holiday drink was out for the general public to enjoy, so we pulled out our fancy little reloadable gold cards like a couple of first graders playing yu-gi-oh on the playground and OFF she went to said coffee pusher/drug dealer. (I probably should have invested in their stock as soon as I discovered this fabulous little coffee shop -- unfortunately, that ship has sailed and I am stillllllll working.... hey- junior college builds character.... )

Friend: "HI! do you have the *insert newdrink name here* ?"

Coffee pusher/parade rainer: "Sorrrrrryyyyyyyyyy...that's not out yet! Can I get you something else?" She said with a shit eating grin her face.  <------(FUCK her...she's a bitch.)
Right about this time, friend looks up to see that allllll of their syrups are stacked above the register and she notices that one has the abbreviation for said new holiday beverage.

WTF? SO these mother fuckers are holding OUT!!! At the end of the day, she walked away with our old drinks. stuck waiting until mid month for that new little morsel to hit the shelves. (even though we know its already there). Moral of the story? He who has the gold makes the rules. That little espresso pusher has the gold so I won't be tasting that fabulous little cup of lovejoy until November 12th.

Oh, and it BETTER be good or that bitch is wearing it!!!! Happy Fall folks!

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