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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Why it doesn't pay to try and be a "good mom".

Last week was exceptionally crappy. There was one small ray of sunshine in my week that I held onto with kung fu grip. I had bunko on Friday and it was at my house. This meant I could drink until I could barely say bunko.My job can be particularly demanding at times. Those times are Monday through Friday, from 7AM to 7PM- ish. So YES- bunko is exciting. I do my best to find a good balance between work and home life but sometimes one takes over the other. We've discussed a lot of the reasons that I am a terrible mother, one of which being that I work a 9-5....actually it's more like an 8:30-6:30 ish. I squeeze a lot of stuff into a little bit of time.
Back to the story.
 I got a phone call last week from a loving, doting, individual in my kids' lives. I want to throw out the disclaimer that I understand that this person loves us all and would do ANYTHING for any person in my family. They have a huge heart and really, truly, DO only mean well. Now, with that being said, she ripped me a new asshole last week. My sons grades are shitty, so he's grounded. I know we're not supposed to do that  anymore, we're supposed to let them be free souls and give them space to be individuals and all that Emo crap. Unfortunately that flies over like a fart in church at my house. You are either an active participating member of our family or you are exiled to the "have some respect and get off your lazy ass" dungeon.  Well to some people, they're take on it is that my son would "have some respect and get off his lazy ass" if I were a doting loving stay at home mom, but since I never see my children and they are so scarred, this is their cry for attention. It's sad really. I was going to sell him to a band of traveling gypsies to offer him a more comfortable life but then who would empty the dishwasher? Guess I better wait 'til the female spawn is old enough to do it.
Anyhow- Yes, I do occasionally deal with a smidgen of personal turmoil about how much I work. That turmoil is typically interrupted when one of my kids chucks the remote control at the other one's head, triggering an all out war of the siblings. So this weekend, I spent Saturday doing my weekly mom stuff Laundry, bills, menu planning, (you know, all the stuff that gets us all fired up and pissed off) then we sat down and watched movies and spent time together.
Sounds super sweet and innocent, right?
I'mma call bullshit on myself right now.
I did it, because I brought home work that  HAAAAD to be done over the weekend. No exceptions. So Sunday morning the hubby says "We should take the kids to the snow!"
I responded with "uhhhhhhhhh.... you sure? I mean, a storm could roll in...uhh... I just put a 10 course breakfast on the table so I could go hide and work while you were all distracted"

"We'll be home by 6 or 7 and you can finish work stuff."

WTF do I say to THAT??  I've already been called out for my work habits this week???? They're all playing on my weakness right now and that blows. So you know what I did?

caved to the guilt and got our snow shit ready,  hopped in the truck and rode off into the sunset.

Know what I did after that?

Got stuck in the DAMNED truck for 12 hours, with no internet connection, 2 hungry restless kids, A bag of crappy snacks and a coffee. Oh, and a big ass thing of water that I couldn't drink because i didn't know when I was going to be able to pee again. PSHHHHH- I'm not making THAT mistake twice.

Know what I did after that?

clenched my ass cheeks together for the last 1/2 of the ride home because the axle broke on the truck, and we fishtailed every time the hunny nudged the gas pedal. Good thing too because doing butt clenches was the ONLY exercise that I got that day (thank you Jane Fonda for making that an actual "exercise"). You got it people, instead of just saying,"no judge Judy, I won't spend my life being guilted about the fact that I work and I like it! I am going to do the work that I said I was going to do and not feel a bit bad about it. My family can go to the snow if they want to, but unfortunately, I am scared pissless of flying off of a cliff in a snowstorm and not being drunk enough to sleep through it". I caved and you know where it got me? pissed off, cold, wet, annoyed and 2 metal plates for butt cheeks. So I guess LITERALLY being a good mom almost killed me

BTW--- I Still haven't gotten a VD gift.


  1. Oh how I know those days, and I don't even have kids! Hate it when you give up a whole day when you shoulda been doing something else and then it turns out crappier than it would have been had you stayed home and been guilted....arrrrgh! But hey, metal plate butt cheeks are a bonus, way better than bean bag butt cheeks or somethin' else, right?? Right?? I wouldn't really know 'cuz I have never had the metal plate kind....not sure there's a word for my kind, really!

  2. LOL!!! It was DEFINITELY one of those "I told you so" moments!!