Let's talk tree here people---- Not the "proposition 19, you can get a license for it now" tree, but the Christmas tree. Ever since I was a little girl, when my mommy used to drive me around in the nice neighborhoods and tell me not to settle for anything less, I dreamed about a house with the perfect window to display the perfect tree. I'm talking 15 feet of tree, adorned with thousands of white twinkly lights and 500 ornaments each hand picked and perfectly placed. I wanted THAT tree. One day, when some crazy lady from the hood (Love you mom) is driving HER daughter around looking at houses, I want it to be MY Damn tree that makes that little girl grow up to be a superficial psycho with a Martha Stewart complex.
Here's the hard part. Every Norman Rockwell painting and Christmas movie ever made, shows the whole family decorating the FARKING tree. So what message does this send? SURE kids, you can help! There's nothing that makes me more happy than decorating the tree as a family. Seeing all of the ornaments in one BIG ASS cluster fuck on the bottom of my $100, hand picked (after hours of driving from tree lot to tree lot) Noble Fir Christmas tree. What's better than drinking hot cocoa while you guys grab a handful of ornaments and throw them up against the tree to see where they land, and then leave the room to go watch The Santa Clause while I pick up the boxes and sweep up the needles, put on the tree skirt, pick up your cocoa cups, put all that shit away and stare at our fucked up family tree. I'll tell you what's better- not letting you touch it. That's what. That shit doesn't happen in this house. . BOOM. YUP, I said it. I will spend hours decorating my tree and by the time I am done, it's going to look like Macy's Christmas section threw up on my tree. The female spawn was over at Franny's house and said "we get to go get our Christmas tree and then decorate it" Franny, knowing me all to well, says "Your mom lets you decorate with her?" to which the female spawn replies"Well, we get to hand my mommy the ornaments......"
MAN, she's catching on fast.
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The Christmas movement has been solidifed by the female spawn...
Well we now know that the female spawn is definitely going to be marrying up. This girl likes STUFF. She doesn't care what, just stuff. I am putting it out there NOW that we will probably see her on the real housewives of Placer County one day.
Last week, while we were getting ready for the day, the female spawn shoving food down her throat and the male spawn was making eggs---of course burning them over and over and over again because he is so easily distracted by anything and can't focus on the damned egg for 2 seconds, we started talking about Christmas. I notifed both spawn that Santa said he will only be bringing 5 presents this year. The male spawn was fine with it.He went on to list his 5 gifts, (each one more expensive than the one before) But I'm okay with this, I can buy knock offs. At least he's going for quality not quantity.
Then I turn to see the reaction of the female spawn.........
uhhhhhhhhhhh...she looked like I just took away her birthday. Keep in mind that this child has the Target big toy book in her backpack with everything on every page circled. and she looks at it every day.
Here's the thing. She didn't throw a fit which is the disturbing part. She just stared me in the face with her eyebrows wrinkled and her mouth open, displaying the chewed up egg and toast mush in her mouth. Eyes welling up. I was ready for a fit, I had comebacks ready like "you won't get anything if you act like that" or "I'm telling Santa that you deserve coal in your stocking" etc.. But She looked like a damned mess. I went on to explain calmly that Santa has to have enough presents to give to all the other little kids and that she already has so much, she should be grateful blah blah blah.
FUCK no. Still a mess. She offered her used toys from her toybox to the "Other little kids" . She offered clothes that don't fit her. She tried everything in order to get herself more than 5 presents. She doesn't even give a shit what the 5 presents are!!!! I even explained that she gets so many present from everyone else. Didn't give a shit. We went the rest of the morning where she looked as if she were deep in thought, so perplexed like she was dealing with some sort of internal emotional turmoil like a teenager whose boyfriend just broke her heart. WTF. That's it--- She's going with me to deliver blankets at loaves and fishes this year! I usually wait until they're a little older but she's apparently progressing into a lifetime of greed a little early. After that, we are going to sit down and watch every said Christmas movie ever made about a less fortunate child than her, with her eyes taped open. By the time I am done with her she is going to need couseling for more than just having a bad mom.
Last week, while we were getting ready for the day, the female spawn shoving food down her throat and the male spawn was making eggs---of course burning them over and over and over again because he is so easily distracted by anything and can't focus on the damned egg for 2 seconds, we started talking about Christmas. I notifed both spawn that Santa said he will only be bringing 5 presents this year. The male spawn was fine with it.He went on to list his 5 gifts, (each one more expensive than the one before) But I'm okay with this, I can buy knock offs. At least he's going for quality not quantity.
Then I turn to see the reaction of the female spawn.........
uhhhhhhhhhhh...she looked like I just took away her birthday. Keep in mind that this child has the Target big toy book in her backpack with everything on every page circled. and she looks at it every day.
Here's the thing. She didn't throw a fit which is the disturbing part. She just stared me in the face with her eyebrows wrinkled and her mouth open, displaying the chewed up egg and toast mush in her mouth. Eyes welling up. I was ready for a fit, I had comebacks ready like "you won't get anything if you act like that" or "I'm telling Santa that you deserve coal in your stocking" etc.. But She looked like a damned mess. I went on to explain calmly that Santa has to have enough presents to give to all the other little kids and that she already has so much, she should be grateful blah blah blah.
FUCK no. Still a mess. She offered her used toys from her toybox to the "Other little kids" . She offered clothes that don't fit her. She tried everything in order to get herself more than 5 presents. She doesn't even give a shit what the 5 presents are!!!! I even explained that she gets so many present from everyone else. Didn't give a shit. We went the rest of the morning where she looked as if she were deep in thought, so perplexed like she was dealing with some sort of internal emotional turmoil like a teenager whose boyfriend just broke her heart. WTF. That's it--- She's going with me to deliver blankets at loaves and fishes this year! I usually wait until they're a little older but she's apparently progressing into a lifetime of greed a little early. After that, we are going to sit down and watch every said Christmas movie ever made about a less fortunate child than her, with her eyes taped open. By the time I am done with her she is going to need couseling for more than just having a bad mom.
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